Late night thinking.....

Good evening.....gosh, it's late and I should be in bed. I'm tired but here I am on Rox's laptop, taking advantage as much as I can. I usually don't get this opportunity because I'm usually sleeping by now but tonight, I just thought I would share some of my thoughts that I have been thinking about this evening.

One of my thoughts is of my mom of course. I'm always thinking of my mom. My mom just recently went thru her first chemo treatment. I was granted the day off so I could be by her side. I didn't know what to expect and I have to admit, I was nervous for her. It didn't seem so bad. She had to sit there for at least 4 hours while the chemicals went thru her. She did exceptionally well. The nurses told her she did a great job! I was so proud of her. I just didn't like seeing all those different colored chemicals running thru her. There's nothing I can do but pray for her. She is a strong woman. I sometimes wish I was going thru all this for her but I was told I wasn't going to be able to handle it. Which is probably true....that's why my mom is going thru this all. She is definitely a strong virtue woman of God.

My other thought is about our upcoming trip to Provo, Utah. I am sooo excited to be heading up there. It has been at least 4 years since Rox & I been up there. It was when Lozza was graduating from Utah Valley State....long time eh? It's going to be an awesome trip!! It'll be good to get away from here, and definitely good to get away from Country Family Restaurant. I have to admit, I'm nervous about going to work tomorrow because of how the schedule is going to look like this weekend with Rox & I being gone.....eiiiiii. But all in all, I am so excited to be heading up to Provo and I also can't wait to try Amber's famous spaghetti that I been hearing about. Tiarra always brags on her spaghetti so I look forward to that.

Those are just a few of my thoughts I've been thinking this evening. I better get to bed now....need to rest up for our vacation this coming weekend. Woohoo!! Goodnight one and all, sweet sleep on all of you!!

My mom....

I was thinking about my mom today. It just amazes me on how strong she is. Last December she was diagnosed with breast cancer in her left breast. The beginning of January she had a mastectomy surgery, and this coming Friday, she starts her chemo treatment. All this started for her in July. It was a long process for her to make things happen for her but now she's almost done with the process.

I was at a family Christmas dinner with my family when my mom told me that they found something in her left breast. She already had a bioscopy done on her and was waiting to see what the doctor says. She said she wouldn't know until the 29th of December. Days went by and I never really thought of my mom. I just figured that it was nothing. That day I was working in the evening, I had this sudden urge to give my mom a call and ask what the doctor said, so I called her. She sounded cheerful and was happy to hear from me. I asked her what the doctor said and she hestitated for a bit, maybe because she was looking for the right words to tell me, then told me that she had breast cancer. I thought I didn't hear right so I said what? And she told me again. I didn't know what to say, because I was in shock. I couldn't control my emotions anymore and started crying. I must have sounded bad and looked bad because Stacie took one look at me and ran to get Rox. While I was crying on the phone, Rox was there comforting me. My mom kept telling me that it was going to be okay, that she could handle it but I just couldn't stop crying. It took awhile but I had to get back to work so I had to let my mom go. After getting off the phone, all I could do was cry on Rox's shoulders. Finally I got all my emotions out and went to prepare myself for the journey.

My mom was having her mastectomy on January 5th, 2010 so I took that day off. I didn't know what to expect or what to feel or anything like that. The days leading up to the surgery were agony, and very emotional. I always thought that nothing will ever happen to my parents. They are supposed to be invincible!! Now I understand that everyone is human. Amber was the one that really helped me thru all this because she's been thru all this. She told me about surgery, she told what to expect during surgery, and what to expect after surgery. She answered all my questions I had for her, and she told me it was okay to cry. Others were telling me that I shouldn't cry because I had to be strong for my mom but it was hard. Amber said crying was the only way to get all my emotions out. She was right, even though it looked like I was weak, I was feeling better every time I cried it out.

My mom's surgery was successful and everything went well. All her test results came back negative, no traces of cancer anywhere. She had to stay in the hospital for 3 days. My sister stayed with her the first night and my niece and I stayed with her the other two nights. My mom was so grateful to be home after being in the hospital that long. She really couldn't do anything so since I had the evening job, I opted to go take care of my mom in the morning until I had to go to work at 2pm. It was a change, me taking care of my mom when she was the one taking care of me. I did my best to take care of her, cleaned her house, cooked for her, drove her to her physical therapy appts., her doctor's appts., drove her to Walmart (haha), anything she wanted me to do, I didn't mind doing. She recently had surgery, having a port inserted near her collar bone where the chemo will be entering her body.

My mom returned to work on the 8th of February. Her work has been working with her, letting her get some rest in-between her work hours. I am very amazed that she handled all this with ease. I know it has been a very tough thing for her to go thru but she is a strong woman. I truly believe all this happened for a reason. God let this happen to her, to show her that she is truly loved. Before all this happened, she felt so alone and that noone didn't care about her. After all this happened, she now sees that her family loves her dearly and cares deeply for her. I have to admit, I distanced myself from my mom when I moved out of my parents' house. I really don't know why I did that, maybe it was because of how I was raised and I blamed it all on my mom, but now, I have learned to let go and let God with all that has happened between my mom and I. I am very grateful for my mom and very grateful for everything she has done for me and is still doing for me.

Please keep her in prayer as she goes thru her first chemo treatment this Friday, the 12th. Thanks for all your prayers.